help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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