i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
