bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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