Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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