She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
