hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
