at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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