Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
