no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
