I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
