Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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