hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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