He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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