My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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