if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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