***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
