Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
