After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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