what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
