He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
