JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
cat food counts as protein by the way
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
