So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
