you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
