is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Randomize
