Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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