so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
We smell like vodka and hangover
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