I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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