GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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