She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
