someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
