Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
