Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My vagina just recognized that song.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
