Can Purell be used as lube?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
