so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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