no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
