is your mom at the bar?
my shit smells like andre
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
