Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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