took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
the raccoons are back...
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