i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
