I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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