drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
