You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Randomize
