just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just googled if crying burns calories
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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