if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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