Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i drank out of a bidet.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
