I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
