we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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