I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
