I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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