He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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