God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
