It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
